Disclaimer: Characters belong to Roddenberry-Kirschner, among others. Okay, except for Harris and a few dozen women with no lines.

Author's Notes: This was an answer to somebody's challenge. I forget which challenge and whose challenge it was, but I answered it. Anyway, it was nominated for best humorous in the W2001 Shaquarava awards. Today it would probably considered crack fic.

An Interesting Evening
by Selma McCrory (Angel Island)
copyright 2000

"You want me to do *what*? Liam proclaimed as he glanced at his teacher, mentor, and employer, Da'an.

"I believe I made it clear, Liam," the Companion told him, gesturing gracefully. "We must discover if this... organization has true interest in Companion goals. Therefore, your disguise is necessary if we are to discover their motives."

"If you put it that way, Da'an," Liam said in resignation.

"There is one thing more, Liam," Da'an told him before he had a chance to leave. "The organizers of the party have mandated two such individuals. Therefore, I will be sending somebody with you to complete your disguise."

Liam's mind raced through the possibilities. "Who? Lassiter?"

"No. In order to soothe Zo'or, Agent Sandoval will also be assigned to this event."

Liam supressed a groan. "Wouldn't he be kinda... obvious? For that matter, aren't we both rather high-profile, so much so that they'd kinda get suspicious?"

"We have obtained methods to prevent that," Da'an reassured him.

* * *

"How did I get myself into this?" Liam moaned, looking over his outfit. His hair was extremely red, as were his eyebrows and the hair on his private parts. One of the lesser Taelon healers had tended to him, in the meantime making his hair very long. Nope, nobody would recognize him in this, he was told.

Sandoval's hair was long, closer to his alternate version, Jason. In fact, for the first few moments, Liam had been able to say nothing, convinced that Maya's love had returned. The look in the man's eyes, however, was pure Sandoval.

Liam could tell that his father wasn't pleased. It probably had less to do with the circumstances than the fact that Zo'or had ordered Sandoval's skrill, Raven, temporarily removed. Liam shuddered as one of his father's memories zoomed past his eyes, the serial killer Pike. No wonder Sandoval was ticked.

"Guys, showtime," Harris, the assistant assigned to the entertainment said, poking his head around the door. "Now, which one of you's going first?"

"That would be me," Liam told him.

"Sandy Randy, okay. And you, erm, forgot your name?"

"Blair, Fair Blair," Liam inserted quickly before Sandoval forgot himself.

"Right, gotcha. Stage is right this way, knock them out!"

* * *

Liam strode out onto the walkway, slinking in with his 'blue-collar outfit', trying not to blush at all the hoots and hollers. Taking his vest off first, he tossed it somewhere, slinking out of his clothes until he was in his underpants. Several displays of affection later, he slinked off the stage, grinning all the way. He'd have a break before he'd be expected to mingle, be fawned over, and things like that. Besides, Sandoval would hate it if he saw him stripping. Liam wasn't insane enough to try.

* * *

The next day, Liam returned to work, a little bit late, a wig covering his head. He hadn't been up to the mothership yet to get his hair fixed back. "Liam," Da'an greeted him as he gathered his paperwork together to take with him. "How was your evening?"

Liam blushed. "Interesting," he said neutrally, hoping that Da'an would not ask more. "I don't think you have anything more to worry about." He decided not to mention the twenty phone numbers he'd found wrapped up in the money that he'd been given. Enough was enough.

"I understand," Da'an told him gracefully. "Thank you, Liam. I have no pressing engagements today. Would you wish a day to yourself?"

"Thank you," Liam told him. "Now if you don't mind?"

The Companion made a graceful gesture and Liam darted towards the shuttle bay, anxious to get rid of all reminders of that night.


Earth: Final Conflict fanfics