Spoilers: "Between Heaven and Hell"
Notes: Just another odd little PhilosophySphere piece, this time focusing on Belman.
by Estirose (Angel Island)
The first day back, and she still wanted to be away. Even though she'd thought going back to her administrative duties at Comtech would be far easier on her emotionally than continuing her research project, she'd soon discovered that she wasn't ready to go back, either. Her hopes of burying herself in the work that just she could do had been dashed by her sheer inability to concentrate.
Even clearing Joyce's picture from her desk hadn't helped any. She'd just had to look once at Rosemary, her now-pregnant head of the Medical division, and she had nearly crumpled in tears. Unfortunately, Rosemary had been the one primarily taking care of Comtech while she was gone, and she was the one who had been doing the briefing. Thankfully, the woman had sensed her mood and departed as soon as possible.
But she still had to see Rosemary every day, no matter how considerate the woman was.
Had it only been a few weeks since Joyce had said good-bye to her, disappearing into a mass of golden sparkles, maybe never to be seen again? Through her own folly, and Zo'or's interference, her daughter was lost to her. She should have somehow blocked Da'an's desire to have Joyce on the team. She should have cancelled the project. But how was she to know what would happen to her daughter?
She'd been so distant with her daughter, especially with this project. She hadn't wanted to cause her harm, and she hadn't wanted her remotely involved with the dangers of her hidden life. The only comfort she had was that Joyce hadn't seemed upset with her over what she'd done, once she had taken the knowledge out of her mother's mind.
Even knowing that it was for the best, that her daughter had much growing up to do, she missed Joyce. She'd likely forever live with the regrets that she hadn't done enough, spent enough time with her daughter.
And now, it was far too late.