Disclaimer: The character's Dad and paternal grandparents belong to Roddenberry-Kirschner, among others. The character narrating this story is mine, however.

Spoilers: Redemption

Author's Notes: This was originally intended to be a Schultz Family fic, but I wrote it so generically that it doesn't quite fit on that timeline. The use of O'Sullivan for Siobhan Beckett's mother's maiden name is thanks to Deb Cebulski. The reference to the fear of the portals fits in with Rosemary Schultz, who does have a good reason to give the fixed link travel system a miss. Posted on PS.

Written for, and partially to, my own grandmother, who died in 1999. Hello, Grandma.

Saying Hello to Grandma
by Estirose
copyright 2000

Hello, Grandma.

I don't think you really know me. I was born after you died, and I never knew you for who you were. Oh, I remember who you were, of course. The memories that Dad inherited from you and I inherited from him are just enough to tell me how much I miss having you as a part of my life.

I wish I could tell you Dad has been so brave. Do you remember, up there in heaven, who Dad is now? Or has your memory gone away like the rest of you? We have no evidence of the soul lingering on after death. Dad tells me he encountered his Dad once in a dream, but I'm not convinced that was really my Grandfather. If it had been, wouldn't he have loved Dad a bit more?

Sure, I have his memories, but I can't access them. Too foreign to my frame of mind, I guess. I'm too human to understand him and them. I can remember yours more clearly, just as I can access my other Grandfather's. Not that I can access those really terrifically.

But you're the one that Dad and I have a special connection to. We are you descendants, more than anyone else's. Grandpa Ronald still doesn't know about where his son is, and Grandpa Ha'gel is too dead to care. I guess you are too, but I don't mind. You're my Grandma, my special Grandma, and it's good to have someone to talk to.

People like that are far too rare, especially when you have to keep who you are a secret. I've got mom and her family, Dad, Great-gran (your mom) and that's it. I'm afraid that someday the Taelons will find out about me and Dad and kill us for it. Mom tries to make things better, but she really can't.

Mom says that I'm really special, and sometimes the special ones have to suffer because people don't understand. Even Da'an, Dad's boss and one of the few beings who knows about us, is sometimes afraid. I can see it in him even when others can't.

Grandma, I'm scared. Dad said that you protected people, and it was your desire to protect people that led you into the Taelons' clutches. Sometimes I pray that you can come back in some form and protect us. Dad tries, but people don't trust him because some part of his DNA happens to be alien. I know if you were here that Dad wouldn't stress out so much, and Mom wouldn't either. Dad is too young to be a Dad, really. I mean, he's only thirteen!

I know you aren't coming back, but please forgive me for wishing that you were. Dad and I are very much alone, and no matter how much great-gran acts as a grandmother to me, it always hurts to know that my real grandmother, the one my father got a chance to know, will not be here with me.

Maybe, as mom says, it's easier to talk to the dead instead of the living. I don't know about that, but she's right that you won't be judging me because of who my ancestors were. Of course, as I told mom, you wouldn't have judged me anyway. She just gave me a sad look and told me you wouldn't have had a choice.

But you're free from that now, so I'm kind of glad. I just wish it hadn't caused your death. You had so much to live for, if Dad had managed to save you. I just hope you didn't feel as guilty as Dad thinks you did in that cave.

I guess what I want to say, grandma, is that I miss you. I never got a chance to know you, but I miss you. I hope to see you one day, but not too soon.

your Granddaughter.

* * *

Hi, Grandma.

Sorry for not coming up to see you more often. Dad isn't able to take out the shuttles as much as he did before, and Mom has a deathly fear of the portals. And air travel is really still kinda expensive overseas. So we come up as often as we can to see you and Great-gran (or at least Mom and Dad say they're going to visit Great-gran), but Dad spends a lot of time with you when he's not with Great-gran. I think Great-gran understands. After all, family is important to her. We're all O'Sullivans, after all.

Dad doesn't cry much when he comes to visit you but I do. I know people find it strange that I cry for a grandmother that I've never seen, but they don't understand that I know you in a way that most humans won't ever know. It's weird, but sometimes I like being part alien, no matter how hard it seems sometimes when people have problems with it.

Mom tells me that you, the real you anyway, would have been outraged on how people hate us sometimes. I mean, Dad and I are still part human, after all. We can still claim to be part of the human family. Some people, like Jonathan Doors, still think of us more Kimera than human. Still, I'm glad that not everybody does.

Do you know that it's easier to talk to you here than where your body is? I don't know why, but I don't feel you there. It's the only place I don't feel you. Maybe the soul does hang around after death, but I wouldn't blame it for not hanging around a cemetery. (Unless you're a cemetery buff; Mom has a friend in Sacramento who's really into the cemetery thing.) Mom thinks it's because that it's because that when we're there that we see the name and see you gone instead of being someplace else, where we can pretend you're still out there, somewhere.

Of course, I didn't tell her I swear I hear you calling my name sometimes.

Are you there, really? I guess I'll never know. We can't prove it one way or the other. Mom has a fascination with real-life ghost stories but insists that if there are ghosts, they're really just spectral tape recordings.

In the meantime, as I said, it feels good to talk to someone who I think would understand me. Well, besides Dr. Park. Do you remember her? She delivered Dad and then ended up delivering me because Dad didn't trust anybody else.

Poor Dad. All he wanted was peace, like you did, and everybody was so eager to hate. Why else would people hate us for something we have no choice but to be? And the Taelons would have killed him because they were afraid of him, too. Dad was so protective when I was younger, because he was afraid that they'd find out about us and then they'd hurt us. And the humans were scared of him when they knew what he was. Not to mention that the Taelons and humans have problems with each other!

Did Grandpa tell you that this is why the Kimera wanted to breed with everyone, so that we'd have something in common? Of course, that doesn't seem to have stopped the Taelons and Kimera. But they wanted to try. And so did Dad. It's a miracle that Dad survived, much less contributed as much as he did.

At least everything's safe now. It's safe for the children, like you wanted, grandma. It's finally safe for me to grow up.

Bye, Grandma. See you later.

your Granddaughter.

Earth: Final Conflict fanfic